is it really true what they say?
will you still be there,
when it all comes crashing?
gazing at the night sky,
the stars are nice to watch
& I've learn so much from them.
the stars. they smile.
this is just for you.
and only you.
and i hope it will stay this way.
the night life.
i was hopeful. i pinned my hopes. i really thought things were finally getting better. and that it was going to stay that way. i dont know. i was wrong. you know what's the best thing? i had a nightmare the night before. it was about you. and my nightmare became reality. yes i had a sixth sense that THIS would happen. and im still hating myself. for not trusting my nightmare. for not trusting my sixth sense. and instead, trusting you. i had brushed off the nightmare, thinking 'no he would never do such a thing again.' and look what happened. and funnily, i dont even hate you. i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to forget you. or to get over you. and up till this very moment, i still think you're the one for me. yes say im dumb. say im stupid. but you dont have to hate me for that, cause im doing that job for you. i really thought this blog would become a happy one. filled with love letters and not this. yeah, dream on right? there i was at your fire escape. when i received your sms, i didnt feel angry. nor hatred. nor revengeful. just pure disappointment. not in you. in myself. they tell me to give you up. find a nicer, better guy. i cant. im sorry. all im trying to do now is to get you out of my mind. edwin asked me what is it do i see in you. and i couldnt answer him. i couldnt. last time, the immediate reaction is 'please lorh, he's like the nicest guy. the best boyfriend.' and now? i dont know what to say. a friend can AUTOMATICALLY follow me up the bus, with the intention of sending me home. and you. you. i have nothing to say.
you said you care. you said you still love me. you said you want me back. but look what happened. not even bothering to reply my messages. thanks.
my heart's still with you. no matter how much i want it back. i want to see the old you. oh fuck, that will never happen. RIGHT?
